#2 What we want in Britain is a convertible car for sunny days, and a hard top for the other 364

#3 Some say... that he thinks that 'credit crunch' is some kind of a breakfast cereal

#4 Richard Hammond was the smallest living organism for miles

#5 Naturally Hans is wet, he's standing under a waterfall

#6 Some say... that he thought Star Wars was a documentary

#7 This is like a scene from Reservoir Dogs

#8 He's actually set fire to metal, how's he done that?

#9 Some say... all his potted plants are called Steve

#10 It was unmistakably a floor mat with nails in it

#11 I'm now driving my car of many colours and many cylinders, into Jordan. A country famous for not having Bethlehem in it

#12 Some say... he's been banned from the Chelsea flower show

#13 My arse! I've lost a buttock!

#14 We could carry on trying to destroy it, but do you know what? I think we should build a plinth

#15 Some say... he's had to give up binge drinking now that its gone to one pound eighteen a litre

#16 Have a Scandinavian flick, Finnish person!

#17 No! Don't dial that! I don't know who that is, it might be the Queen!

#18 Some say... that he's terrified that the BBC will reveal his salary, because he's paid in strong pornography

#19 Has your trouser leg gone missing?

#20 No! No accidents in the past five years

#21 Some say... the drinks cabinet in his car contains fourteen different types of custard

#22 I'm now playing what I like to call fuel light bingo

#23 Oh cock. I forgot about the Australians they do that VXR thing

#24 Some say... he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face

#25 Oh dear, I seem to have run out of country

#26 This is the precision tool board, the hammer lives elsewhere

#27 Some say... he was turned down for the job of EU president, because his face is just too recognisable

#28 What were you like on bonfire night? You bloody idiot

#29 Changed priorities ahead

#30 Some say... he is wanted by the CIA

#31 Based on no knowledge at all, we decided to push on in our three tonne truck

#32 90% of people who said they had a Ferrari, were lying!

#33 Some say... he appears on high value stamps in Sweden

#34 Rise!! Toybota Rise!!

#35 In the boot, golfists want enough room to put their bats

#36 He is my partner and also my lover!

#37 Some say... he is illegal in 17 US states

#38 They're hot for James May right now!

#39 I absolutely hope that James May wakes up in the morning and ten thousand insects are in his underpants!

#40 Damn it! My cars on fire!

#41 Some say... if you give him a really important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet

#42 You utter pirate!

#43 Some time the next afternoon, it was morning!

#44 Oh crikey, its the Albanian rozzers

#45 Some say... he is scared of bells

#46 It's known locally as the big vicious killer snake

#47 So, if you want to drive to the north pole, buy a Hammond

#48 Some say... he forages for wolves at night

#49 We were told to report to the test track where we were presented with a number of challenges

#50 I have not had my teeth whitened!

#51 Look. A petrol station the natural home territory of the Ford GT. And there it is at the watering hole drinking its fill. For the forty seventh time today

#52 Some say... his sweat can be used to clean precious metals

#53 The fact is though that two middle aged men, deeply unfit and mostly drunk, had made it

#54 Car = gentlemen's sausage Peach = lady garden

#55 Some say... he is confused by stairs

#56 Do you want me to show you what its like to be smacked on the head with a wingback chair?

#57 Right the news, and we begin today with a , well properly the best piece of news I've ever heard since I was born. An event, in fact, which eclipses the very miracle of my birth

#58 Some say... his breath smells of magnesium

#59 I am a driving god!

#60 AA55 HOL

#61 Some say... he isn't machine washable

#62 I was a Shepherd because I has a dressing gown

#63 Has he got a chainsaw? Oh god

#64 Some say... he naturally faces magnetic north

#65 This then, is America's Porsche 911, but he in Europe we already have a Porsche 911. Its called the Porsche 911

#66 Manual, semi automatic, oh these are the weapons!

#67 All you do at art school is drink and purse woman

#68 Some say... his tears are adhesive

#69 Its raining, I'm going north and I'm looking for a whore!

#70 Sky sea, sky sea

#71 And you know what? London doesn't have a river, so I couldn't have done it by boat

#72 Some say... if you hold him the wrong way he doesn't work properly

#73 Its a Roman orgy, a Hawaiian BBQ, a Viennese waltz and a helicopter gunship attack on Las Vegas all rolled into one... Its fantastic

#74 He's going to notice isn't he

#75 I'll give you a million quid or this bucket

#76 Some say... he was turned down for a place on I'm a celebrity because he is one

#77 So James, how much did you sell your nine forty four for?

#78 Could you just slow down so I can slice the lemon for the gin and tonic?

#79 Guys its no longer a pan fire its a van fire

#80 Some say... he gets terrible eczema on his helmet

#81 What have you found some more nobby work?

#82 Please welcome Sir Michael follow through

#83 There is a touch of IKEA to all this but reassuringly an expert has put it all together

#84 Some say... he's seen the Lion King 1780 times

#85 And on that bombshell

#86 France is a country you have to drive through it get to Italy

#87 We realised we would have to build a bridge which make one of us very excited

#88 Some say... his first name really is the

#89 Mothers will be fishing kids out of obscure cubbyholes for years

#90 The silence is... Beautiful

#91 Some say... one of his legs gets longer when he sees a pretty lady

#92 What do salmon eggs go really well with?

#93 Some say... he has no age

#94 Bloody Nora

#95 With Jeremy's shooting, you're perfectly safe so long as you stand directly in front of the target

#96 Some say... he has two sets of knees

#97 Have we just been abandoned here to die?

#98 You pair of utter pillocks, you've ruined my car

#99 It's completely flummoxed by snow, mud, gravel, soil, grass clippings, drizzle or even a light breeze

#100 Some say... If you tune your radio to 88.4 FM you can actually hear his thoughts

#101 I can't remember if I took my malaria pill this morning. If I were a girl I'd be pregnant... a lot

#102 I had no time for Hammond's misty eyed mills and boonery

#103 I will admit there are one or two things I need to address... What like the laws of physics for example

#104 Some say... he lives in a tree

#105 This is sushi v's a hamburger

#106 I'm not peeling a squirrel

#107 You are healed. I have healed you

#108 Some say... his earwax tastes like Turkish Delight

#109 Hot, uncomfortable, numb buttocks, crushed testicals, sweaty shirt, smell pits, I'm now going slightly faint as...

#110 There's never been a correlation between a dot matrix and the truth

#111 Not being Attenborough, I couldn't think of anything better to say

#112 Some say... there's an airport in Russia named after him

#113 Every summer they arrive, ruining our roads just so they can pull up side by side with their new best friends and pee in a bucket

#114 It wont work in a smooth way

#115 All I have to look forward to is camping with a lunatic and a retard

#116 Some say... if set alight, he'd burn for a thousand days

#117 I have three donkeys at home: Geoffrey, Eddie, and Kristin Scott Donkey

#118 I chose my expert on the strength of his accent

#119 My dong's going to be all soggy isn't it?

#120 Some say... that for some reason he is allergic to the Dutch

#121 I can't even lift a chocolate bar to my face without it crashing into a mountain

#122 I'm going to send a email to the BBC and don't care if they don't read it

#123 Who said it's still a Fiat? What's wrong with the Fiat? Their not good. Their French! ...

#124 Some say... that on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake

#125 I've got furniture that handles better than this thing!

#126 Yeah the gear leaver's gone up my arse

#127 I love that vision of just blasting through the gates, backwards, in a flaming Swedish supercar!...

#128 Some say... that if you lick his chest, it tastes exactly the same as piccalilli

#129 But after six hours we finally arrived at Caravancatraz

#130 Do you live in a yoghurt commercial?

#131 A cow does more global warming than a Range Rover?

#132 Some say... that he knows two facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong

#133 Well I'll show you mine, if you show me yours

#134 It would be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage in a private plane versus me in a car

#135 I don't want to die in tights!

#136 Some say... he can open a beer bottle with his testes!

#137 Those aren't doggles, they're goggles with the G crossed out and replaced with a D

#138 Him and the dog and the biggish woman are in a caravan

#139 Now normally when we have these races Jeremy goes in a car and says "POWEEEEEEER" a lot, and Richard and I will go on a ferry, or...

#140 Some say... that just recently, he developed an irrational hatred of Rubens Barrichello

#141 A weekend in a box with James May and I thought, what am I gonna need?

#142 I'm trying to be killed by lighting

#143 In fact, it has exactly the same top speed as Henry the Eighth

#144 Some say... that he spent all week daydreaming about what Rubens Barrichello would look like in a ham slicer

#145 Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Boring. Boring. Dull. Tedious. Annoying. Back-ache. Arm-ache. Cramp. Miserable. Hate. James. May.

#146 Due to the unique way the BBC is funded, the pen doesn't work!

#147 And now, we must turn it into a racing car by... bolting lots of racing car bits to it

#148 Some say... he spent all week pushing an effigy of Rubens Barrichello through his desk fan

#149 I'm gonna have to explain all this to my nine-year-old boy. Who's ten, I've just remembered!

#150 I've been killed, I've defiantly been killed

#151 This car is so sophisticated it could write its own name

#152 Some say... His new Christmas range of fragrences includes the great smell of Wednesday

#153 We three kings from orient afar, one in a Vauxhall, two in sports cars

#154 A bit of electrical infidelity

#155 That's it for this programme and indeed the series. We're off now to get very drunk. Goodnight!

#156 Some say... He invented the curtain

#157 I have to sit further forwards than you cause I'm short

#158 Hit the ham

#159 Its like the West Indian dope smoking team is practicing in the car

#160 Some say... That after making love, he bites the head off his partner

#161 You look like a gay cowboy, and you look like a gay terrorist

#162 Old testament NASCAR

#163 Tell the nice ladies and gentlemen about what happened

#164 Some say... His favourite food is raw meat

#165 He's on live, every afternoon filling Paul O'grady's slot

#166 Catching crims and locking them up... In your community

#167 Are you going to fall over today for our entertainment

#168 Some say... He is terrified of ducks

#169 What is Helsinki syndrome anyway? I think its when your an idiot and get your syndromes mixed up

#170 I think it could be time to admit failure

#171 In jail no one can hear you scream

#172 Some say... He was born in space

#173 You look like a terrorist with a broken windscreen wiper and your face looks ridiculous

#174 Dear the government, I've just found some rancid bacon in the back of my fridge, can I have a big pile of money to buy a shiny new lobster?

#175 I like that stripe so much I'd be prepared to buy the whole car just to get it

#176 Some say... He doesn't see like humans do, instead he sees numbers in green scrolling down

#177 That's heightist frankly

#178 Tonight and for one night only, we've accidently made a show all about cars

#179 Unfortunately, the cool wall was one of the major casualties in our fire, but we will persevere

#180 Some say... His politics are terrifying

#181 So the car that was dead had to be towed by the car that was dying

#182 My heart is sore, My Marina is no more, It was the 1.8, With the optional rear armrest, And now those Top Gear wazzocks, Have dropped a piano on its roof, I hate James May...

#183 This was hopeless, so rather embarrassingly, we had to ask the man we murdered to give us a hand

#184 Some say... he's recently been releasing pop records under the pseudonym of Lady Gaga

#185 So you think that left to its own devices a Volkswagen campervan will float?

#186 What do you mean "slightly"? How can you slightly spin? That's like saying I slightly fell off a ladder this morning

#187 So here we are on the start line: Goliath and David... Beckham

#188 Some say... that even as we speak, he is appearing on the main stage at Glastonbury performing his most famous hit, Superstition

#189 I like procedures

#190 There's something in hear squeaking at me

#191 Jeremy Clarkson: Fail!

#192 Some say... that he recently submitted a £20,000 expenses claim for some gravel...for his moat

#193 And please, do not write to us about drinking and driving because I'm not driving, I'm sailing

#194 We’re not three wise men, we’re one wise man, an idiot and a cheat

#195 It's an ingenious solution to a problem that should never have existed in the first place

#196 Some say... that in the autumn, all his arms go brown and fall off

#197 You great fat balding useless hopeless bandy-legged bubble-haired pointless talentless gutless cowardly witless lump of suede-shoe-wearing daft-jean-wearing idiocy?

#198 He looks like a spaniel that's crashed into the back of a hen!

#199 I presume at some point there's gonna be a simply hideous accident

#200 Some say... that on Thursdays he becomes incredibly bulbous